A puff of white flew past me on a late summer breeze. I caught it and plucked off the little seed, like when I was a kid. If you catch a dandelion seed, you get to make a wish. My wishes have always been intense feelings of need or want rather than a coherent sentence in my head. Need. Job. I gave the white fluff back to the wind and watched it drift away.
I’m not one to leave it up to luck. I’m not a lucky person, in the win-the-door-prize, pick-the-right-door, find-twenty-dollars kind of way. I never have been. So, I learned to control my life outside of luck and wishes and to make it impossible to fail.
I have always defined myself by my ambition. My thing has always been working, and working hard. I’ve had a job since I was 15. The only time I’ve actually been unemployed since then was this past year in Newcastle. It was common for me to have two jobs, plus school full time. For one very stressful month in 2007, I had three. My resumé, if all is included, is more than five pages long.
Needless to say, I don’t know how to be unemployed. This is the only time I’ve ever looked for a job while I didn’t already have one.
And I’m finding jobs. Not the job of my dreams, but well paying jobs that I am qualified for. And I rewrite and send off resumés and cover letters. Fill out applications. And I press send and I feel like I’m sending it off into this void and I just never know if I’ll ever hear about it again.
I sit at home watching TV and flinch a little every time the phone rings, hoping it will be for me and it will be a job interview. I interview well, I just need to get there. Need. Interview.
I go days without doing anything of significance. I’m driving myself crazy.
I need a career, too. But I can only worry about that, while I don’t have a job. Need. Direction.
So, since logic and my impressive (yes, I say so myself) resumé doesn’t work, I have no choice but to wish. To bargain with the powers that be (or don’t be) for a chance to at least make some money, if not to be happy.
What can you do with an MA in Archaeology? Pretty much nothing.
life, reverb10, work | Hezabelle December 13, 2010 | 
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