This is too much. I passed my breaking point more twelve hours ago.
I’ve lost control over my life.
I want this to be over. I don’t see it ending well.
And I ask myself, why do I do this to myself? And why do I always think it can’t get worse?
This morning I am taking two exams, worth 50% each, for a course I’ve written 4 essays for this month. This is on top of the six course overload I’m already doing at my REAL school this semester.
I honestly haven’t been able to really breathe since August. I never thought I could be more stressed than the year I had three jobs, one of which was at 4am. Boy, was I wrong. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things, like the amount of shit I can handle and that the worse thing that could happen is an emotional break down. But no. The worse thing is being past the point of crying since September.
I haven’t been able to breathe since the beginning of October. Every time I think my “stressful week” is over, there’s another stressful week.
I would say I want it to be December, but I have a whole credit of Canadian History to do in December, and I have to apply for grad school.
I think I am being eaten by school.
Today was so ridiculous that I just have to write about it.
7:00am - Alarm clock goes off. Wake up briefly, turn off alarm. Promptly fall back to sleep.
7:20am - Actually wake up. Shower
7:45am - Grab marked assignments to give to prof. Count. Realize that I have 43 papers when I’m supposed to have 50. FREAK OUT.
8:00am - Phone home to see if I left them there. No luck. FREAK OUT. Decide I’m going to be late for class anyway and I have to find the papers, and so decide not to go. Mark remaining assignments.
8:30am - Phone Billings to see if I left the papers there. No luck. FREAK OUT.
That was the most stressful part. Eventually, Kristen got home and we searched frantically and went over the options of where they could be. I decided I wasn’t going to find them. I also made an appointment to do an interview for my science reporting article due Thursday. Kristen researched our TV story, and went to vote. I finished marking and put all the marks together on a spreadsheet. We went to school to meet our TV prof about our story idea. MEANWHILE, I’M STILL FREAKING OUT. Honestly, making myself feel sick worrying about it.
Then, I went to meet the prof to give back the papers at 1pm. I asked to see the list and discovered *drum roll*….. that I just don’t know how to count to 50 and I only ever had 43 in the first place. To say I was relieved is an understatement. I already went to buy a file folder at the bookstore so that it doesn’t happen again.
Then I went to do my interview. And decided to stop by HR on the way home, since I was confused about whether I got paid from Carleton Now or not. Turns out that I was actually paid twice for the same job. Being an honest person, and really not wanting to mess with karma after this morning, I told them so and had to figure out with the HR people how they were going to get the money back. And sadly do not get $520 for free. Hahaha.
That’s my day so far. But you’ll be happy to know I didn’t cry. I just don’t think I could stand it getting anymore exciting. I just want to sit here for the rest of the day and do my homework. And possibly go to the Wild Oat for dinner.
Oh my God I’m so fucked for this week.
I promised myself I wouldn’t have a mental breakdown this semester…
Ahhhhh!!!
stress | Hezabelle January 29, 2009 | 
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