Category: new year's

Resolved

My last blog post apparently cursed my new relationship, so here’s hoping that the curse of 2011 will hold out for a few more hours, and as I write this post, hopefully Murphy’s Law won’t decide to fuck me over in the next 10 hours or so.

In 2012, I resolve to work even harder than I did in 2011. To prove myself in my career. To get everything I can out of this amazing opportunity that I’ve been afforded. To grow as a person and as a professional in my career.

I resolve to use my spare time for the things I love: writing, reading, finding new music, sitting in coffee shops, cooking good meals. Less TV, more intelligent conversations. I will finish up and edit my book. I will start writing a new one. I will keep a journal.

I will do another mini triathlon, and I will train for it this time. Maybe I’ll even run a 5k. Either way, I will drag my ass to the gym that I pay for, on a semi-regular basis, and kick my own ass on the treadmill.

I resolve to see more of my neighbourhood. To actually take time to explore the beautiful area I live in. This will probably have to wait until the spring.

And keep taking chances. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, but when it does, it’s worth it.

Here’s to 2012.

Better things

On December 30, 2010, I wrote a post about the things that I wanted in 2011.

It was a difficult time for me. I was unemployed, broke, disheartened and seriously questioning the path my life was taking.

I asked the world that 2011 bring me these things:

Wishing that maybe next year I’ll have more than $7.

Wishing that maybe next year I’ll have someone to kiss at midnight.

Wishing that maybe next year I’ll be stumbling home to my own apartment downtown.
It’s been a long year, but I do have slightly more than $7 and I’ll be celebrating the New Year in my own apartment in the city.

And I will have someone to kiss at midnight.

It’s funny how things change.

In many ways, I will be happy to see 2011 go - too many awful things have happened to the people I love this year. But on the other hand, I also got my dream job, a beautiful new apartment, a new car and, yes, even a new boyfriend.

For the next few days I’ll be thinking of some resolutions for 2012 - but truth be told, I’m happy. Right now. Here. Doing this. Being me.

You know, it’s okay
I’m kinda happy here for now
I think I’ve finally grown up
And got myself a love of now

- The Waifs

Things you can’t change

I’ve been working through this post in my head for exactly 4 days, 13 hours, 59 minutes and 15 seconds.

It’s not about resolutions.

I don’t think I believe in resolutions. At least, I don’t believe in them for me. I already have my list of 100 things to do before I die. Sometimes at the beginning of a year I’ll pick a few of those that I think I can accomplish by the end of the year. When I was in high school and university, I would usually write a little list of about 5 things I wanted to do over the summer. They were always achievable things. The summer I was 14 I taught myself to shuffle. The summer I was 17 I taught myself to French braid my hair. The summer I was 21 I taught myself to sit up straight. But I do horribly with concepts that you can’t measure. Things that I can’t definitively cross off a list. And, honestly, if I make a list that I can’t finish it drives me crazy.

Okay, I lied, it’s about resolutions.

But I don’t have any. Not really. It’s more like I’ve come up with a philosophy.

If you’re reading my blog then you already know that these past four months have been some of the hardest of my life. There are a lot of things outside of my control that I have been working against, to change. And I’ve had a few conversations with Fae and Kaitlyn recently about what type of things I should accept in life and which things I should work to change.

Because life sucks. But I’m stronger than that, right?

There are things in my life that suck. Things that I can’t change. Things that require patience and courage and perseverance.

What I can change is how they effect me. What I can change is how I see my circumstances. What I can change is what I make of my life.

And the true task isn’t being happy when everything’s great, it’s finding a way to be happy when everything isn’t.

I’ve already started to make some changes in my life this year. Little things that I can change. And hopefully I’ll slowly work up to the big things and I’ll spend 2011 learning how to be happy when things aren’t exactly as I might wish them to be.

And this girl? I’ve proof that she still exists.

Me on New Year's Eve, photo by Chandra

Countdown

Soon it will be 2011. I’ll be sipping wine or champagne in my new shirt, bought with borrowed money especially for the occasion. With my new hair cut, the one that bankrupted me and left me with $7 in my bank account. But you can bet I’ll look good in the Facebook album. You can bet that when I look back in years I won’t remember how on edge I was, that I’ll only see the hair cut and the sparkly shirt and think that everything’s okay. I’ll be hoping that others think that too, and that I don’t drink so much wine that I can’t keep up the mask.

And I’ll be wishing, you can bet on it, at 11:59:59, for something to happen.

Wishing that maybe next year I’ll have more than $7.

Wishing that maybe next year I’ll have someone to kiss at midnight.

Wishing that maybe next year I’ll be stumbling home to my own apartment downtown.

I’ll make this list in my head, in desired order, of what I’d like the universe to bring me next year. And I’ll send it out there. I’ll bargain with life and luck for what I want, make promises to be better or nicer or appreciate things for, if only the universe’ll let me have them.

Not even all, but at least one, okay?

Pretty Good Year

I didn’t have any resolutions for 2009. At least, not as far I as can remember. Mind, I don’t remember much from New Year’s Eve 2008. [Oh, apparently I resolved not to drink hard liquor... I didn't manage that one.]

I don’t know if I agree with the idea of resolutions. One one hand, they are ideas for personal and professional growth and improvement. But they often seem to end up as a list of the things you hate about yourself that you wish to change. Lose 20 lbs. Quit smoking. Find a boyfriend. Eat healthy.

I already have a list of things to do before I die. I consistently makes lists of things I want to do, to buy, to be. I don’t want to resolve to do or be anything in the next year, because what I want seems to change everyday.

Over the next few posts I want to write about my accomplishments of 2009. And then things I hope to accomplish in 2010. Maybe it’s just a question of semantics. But it sounds much better to me than resolutions…