Category: future

One word

Based on my recent success with writing stimulus packages (NaNoWriMo), I’ve been looking at a few similar sites like 750words.com and, recently, reverb10.com.

Reverb10 is designed for bloggers, to give them a prompt for each day in December. I thought I’d give it a try, though my entries will be sporadic at best next week when I’m in England for graduation, I’d like to try to get into blogging again. So, here goes!

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Adventure.

2010 was an adventure in all possible senses of the word. It was exciting, new and occasionally terrifying. It was quite often about putting one foot in front of the other, following the bread crumb trail only to be derailed by a siren. But the most important part of any adventure worth having is the journey, not the destination. And that was my 2010. It took me many, many places and really, it’s not about where I ended up. I hope.

Beginning.

I would like 2011 to be about beginnings. New projects, a new career, a new life path, a new home. Maybe even a new city. Maybe even a new person. I would like to begin as many things as possible in 2011 so that I can spend 2012 and onwards completing them.

Forward looking curiosity

A little over three months ago, I was looking forward to coming to England. Today I’m looking forward to leaving it. It seems to me that I have always been this way - perhaps too afraid to live in the moment, and so always looking forward. In high school, I was looking forward to university. From about day two of Journalism, I was looking forward to the end. In the last days of a semester, after suffering through essays and exams, I am always looking forward to my summer job. About one month later, I’m looking forward to school again.

It’s not always in a big way, either. Sometimes, even when when I’m having fun, I’m looking forward to the next fun thing. What is this fascination with the future? I think it must be because the future holds such infinite possibility - so much hope. The present just is what it is, and like the past can’t be changed. All of life must be accepted for what it is, taken with resignation and made the best of. All except the future.

Maybe it’s my optimistic side, hoping for better. Maybe it’s my pessimistic side, refusing to be happy with right now. Either way, it seems to me an unhealthy way to live my life. Above all else, I wish I possessed the ability to fearlessly live in the moment.

There are moments in life that you can’t help but live in. Even a foward looking person like me. I am keeping a list, to teach myself how to be present. Jack Johnson’s Constellations under a clear night sky. The Fort Pitt tunnel at 2am. The first bars of Konstantine. The boy sketching under the tree in St. Stephen’s Green. Ice skating at the Tower of London. A balcony overlooking a city of mountains and rivers, sitting next to my other half.

The list is growing, so maybe I am doing something right. It may take me a lifetime to learn to be present. Maybe by then it will all be past.

The title comes from a quote by Brian M. Fagan. He calls archaeology the “backward looking curiosity.” I’ve always really liked that description.

it’s time

I can hear ticking clocks running rampant in me
chiming in an apogee waiting for the synergy
of her and me, waiting on the light
and I never say goodnight, never say that I’m always right
~Wait - Something Corporate

It’s weird to think that the seemingly mundane sound of a clock ticking is foreign to me. But the truth is that I don’t even really know how to tell time on a clock face. When I was ten, I got a digital watch for my birthday and I never looked back. No one has a watch anymore, everyone checks the time on their cell phone or iPods. We’re moving away from the steady click of time. The sundial was invented by the Egyptians as early as 1500 BCE. However, time wasn’t standardized until after the invention of the railroad, when more precise times were required. Just over a hundred years since then, we’ve forgotten clocks.

Today, I have time ticking around my neck. The steady rhythm, counting out the moments of the present, sending them reeling into the past. Sending me reeling towards my future. You could see it as a noose, tying me to measurable time. But today, with the sun shining and the air full of spring, I choose to see it as a heartbeat, ticking the words of my future one by one.

Time goes by from year to year
And no one asks why I am standing here
But I have my answer as I look to the sky
This is the time of no reply.
~Time of No Reply - Nick Drake

you wonder if you missed your dream…

Can you measure the distance between past and future with the present? There is always so much distance, when I want to be close. There are miles between people standing side by side and people miles away are cheek to cheek.

“I don’t miss the past. I miss the future with you.” - Fae.

My life cannot be mapped, as I am always living in worlds that don’t exist. The past. The future. Imagination.

I am lost in the Minotaur’s labyrinth. Or maybe I am hiding.