Category: dreams

Fast forward

You know how you get to that point in the book where everything seems wrong, and you’re just waiting for everything to work itself out? You keep reading all night because you have to make sure it ends up okay. That’s where my life is right now, but I can’t speed up to the next page or glance at the ending. I just have to wait.

And I’m not good at waiting.

I have nothing good to say about my life anymore. I keep trying to put a positive spin on it, for myself and for the rest of the world. But I’m failing miserably. A few people have already seen behind the careful mask. Others will inevitably see it crack soon.

There are good things in my life, but they’re increasingly lost in the endless nothing of my life. Even when something good happens, it’s small and fleeting. I try to hold on to it, but the truth is that I can’t connect to it the way I used to. I’m deaf and mute, outside and in the corner.

I wake up every morning wanting just to go back to bed, to wait out the 12 hours until I can sleep (if I can sleep) again and live in my head. Days, weeks, months go by without anything tangible. At the end of the day I think that it shouldn’t have existed. That it was wasted. That I was merely breathing, functioning from one moon to the next.

Can I just fast forward to the part where I find some meaning? I’m not asking for anything life changing. Even a crappy job would do now. I just need something. Anything. Because right now, there’s nothing.

Some things you can’t keep

I want to see mountains again.

In my beautiful hotel, nestled in the enchanting mountains of Delphi, I wrote about shades of blues. I never knew that such a cool, subtle colour had so many hues until I saw the mountains. I never knew that there was a place you could watch the sun set over seemingly infinite shades of blue. A sweeping spectrum that took my breath away, that I failed repeatedly to capture perfectly on camera. Some things are just for looking. Some things you can’t keep.

On a train from Venice to Rome, I was struck by the beauty of the sky. Low wispy clouds, I wrote, running into mountains. Some dark grey-blue, others cracked with the yellow of the setting sun. A double rainbow from the train window, olive tree lined lazy roads in the sun. Rushing by the window.

I sat on a hill below a castle in Edinburgh, and I thought about stories. Of the stories we tell and the ones we keep and the ones, both kept and shared, that haunt us forever. I wrote about castles and fairytales and the dreams that I had to tell these stories, too.

Last year, I never had to be bored, because the next adventure was a week or a month away. There was a new place around each corner and a picture to take out of each window, from each park bench. There were seemingly endless possibilities. There was a dark and stormy sea, there was a hot and sandy beach. When I blinked, the world was a photograph. When I spoke, it was the pages of a history book.

How’s that for a pedestal? Gilded, gleaming and seven feet tall.

A sorta fairytale

A secret school of Magic. A dying prince, sole Heir to the Throne. A lurking evil. All thrown into what we like to call “postmodern fantasy.”

The Book currently totals 41,798 words. Of the three parts outlined, only part one is partially complete.

But this is November, known to many around the world as National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). The goal is to write 50,000 words in one month. And Fae and I are going to take it on. In 50,000 more words we could get well into the second part of The Book and make great steps towards finally completing it.

Due to other time commitments, neither us have ever attempted NaNoWriMo before. But, since we’ve both been thinking seriously recently about a career in writing, it’s time for us to try.

I really shouldn’t be further distracting myself from the 3 essays I have for grad school, but in truth I have more passion for this than I can ever even dream of having for my MA program. Plus, with two of us, it’s only 25,000 words each and we wrote that easy in the first weeks we started.

Wish us luck!

I had a dream

Last night I had a dream (I awoke in dessert called Cyberland…. no, not really. Points, though, to anyone who gets that!)

Anyway. So I had a dream that I was visiting a foreign city with my sister (although not too foreign because I believe we went to Walmart at some point.) We were there for some important reason, something related to school, but I had finished what I needed to do and Laura was getting her picture taken for her portfolio, at a studio. It was about 7pm, and we were talking to the photo guy (who happened to be on a campus of some sort?) and he was really funny, joking about things and telling us what he needed to do with the pictures before we could pick them up 7 hours later (they had a 7 hour guarantee). So I asked him if we would really be able to pick them up the next morning, weren’t they closing soon, and how was the work going to get done overnight? As we’re having this discussion, this tiny little man (think a cross between gollum and a leprechaun… you know, your typical daemon trickster type creature) runs over and steals the guy’s hat and starts climbing up the walls and on the ceiling.

And then suddenly, people emerge from every doorway in this great hall type area, dressed in costume. And they start singing. There are different group of people, dressed as peasants or mages or nobles or gypsies or whatever. And there’s this whole elaborate plot (which the photo guy is involved in) with the evil creature and an evil wizard. And the whole time, everyone is singing.

My dream was a medieval rpg musical.

The whole plot plays out, and eventually the evil creature attacks me and I get involved. By then the sun is coming up, and the rpg is over. They finally explain it to me. They’re a group of people who all go to this school we’re at, and every night they do a live action musical rpg called Willy’s World (??) and they like to do it to unsuspecting visitors (like us.)

So basically, I dreamed the best thing ever. In the dream I even begged them to let me participate the next night, but they were very exclusive. I wish this really existed!

This is possibly one of my nerdiest and most distracted (because of these random side notes and the fact that I can’t remember the dream 100%) posts yet…

London Calling…

My Faerie and I are going to live in London. In the Bloomsbury area, near King’s Cross station, to be more precise.


Q: Why?
A: Why not?! Seriously, London is a city where life happens. It’s got character and charm and history and culture. It’s a fabulous place to be young.

Q: Don’t you know that London is like the most expensive city in the world?
A: Yes. This is why I’m saving money.

Q: What are you going to do there?
A: More interesting things than I’m doing here.

Q: Where are you going to work?!
A: Well, I’ll have my BJ by then. Ideally, I will be a coffee/tea bitch for the BBC. Or I could work in PR. Or be a tour guide of somewhere. Or I could waitress or bartend or whatever. I found a job in a foreign city once before, I know I can do it again.

Q: No you’re not.
A: That’s not a question and yes, I am!

I just thought I’d set the record straight that this is going to happen, in September of 2009. No one really believed I’d live in Ireland either, but I did. And I survived. And I’m doing this too. After all, it’s better than getting a real job.

Today, we’re daydreaming about tube stations and I’m going through the old budget calculations. I want to wait a year, but I know it will take that long to prepare and save! Plus, you know, I have to graduate.

Speaking of graduating, I was also looking up Master’s degrees today. I’d like to do one in Classical Archaeology or Ancient History. Eventually.