“Sometimes people ask me how you can be best friends with someone you only see twice a year. All I can say is, when it comes to Fae, my other half, how can I not?” - March 9, 2009
There have been times in my life, crying in front of a computer screen, that the distance has seemed like too much. Times when all I want is to be able to be there for my best friend the way you’re supposed to be. There with a pint of ice cream. There with a hug. There with a shoulder to cry on.
Somehow, we made words enough. Black and white on computer screens or cell phones. Words have power, and usually that was enough.
It’s not enough this time. The words are useless. Being here for her isn’t as good as being there for her.
There is a whole new level to long distance relationships. The part that means when something awful happens, you can’t be there in an instant. Can’t sit beside the hospital bed. Can’t hold her hand. Can’t make her soup.
The distance has been killing me for 34 days. It has never seemed for far. I have never ever felt so useless.
But I wish my car could drive to her tonight
Then I’d know everything is gonna be alright
Yes then I’d know it’ll be alright
-Joshua Radin
I believe that last post was my first drunk post…
Let me just say that wine + PMS + mysterious drink + a realllly long few weeks = crying in a car.
Good thing I have friends for that. <3
I need to move. I have never known how to be happy here.
The end.
I’ve sort of become part of a wedding culture in the last few months.
Last year I didn’t know anyone (in my peer group) who was married or getting married. Now I know 8 people who are engaged and getting married in the next two years.
I can now sustain a very long conversation about wedding plans, guests, venues, food, invitations and engagement rings.
And it’s seriously fun.
In the spring, Quonya and Doug who I met in Newcastle are getting married in Edinburgh. This summer my friend Annie from high school is getting married in Ottawa. My old roommate Taylor’s wedding is in July, and both Kristen and The Chris are bridesmaids.
And in October of 2012, Chandra is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid. Seriously, I couldn’t be more excited. It’s like a big party that you spend two years planning! And I get to help! I get to make invitations and help pick a photographer and watch Chandra try on beautiful dresses! And then I get to wear a beautiful dress too, and sit at the important wedding table! I feel like such a grown up!
I’m in no hurry at all to plan a wedding of my own, but I’m really happy that close friends of mine are getting married soon and I get to experience it all. And then I’ll have lots of ideas in five years when I might start thinking about doing it myself. Maybe.
For now I’m just excited for all my friends. And the parties.
I have been overwhelmed by the generosity of people lately.
I haven’t had much money since September, and I’ve had absolutely none since New Year’s. It really limits what I can do. I want to be able to go out, but everything always costs money and it gets really stressful sometimes.
I can’t even count the number of times in the last 6 months that one of my friends has bought me a drink. Or dinner. Or concert tickets. A coffee. Anything. It amazes me that people are always looking out for me. It amazes me that they want to spend time with me so much that they’ll pay my share.
Though there are many things I want and need when I finally get a job and have an income, my priority is to slowly start paying my friends back for their generosity. As much as I can.
Maybe all people aren’t good, but my friends sure are.
distance, fae, friendship, life | Hezabelle February 12, 2011 | 
Comments (4) 