We looked like giants

When I was little, I lived in a world of unicorns and fields of giant marshmallows. In every shady wood or sunny meadow, I swore I would see a unicorn. Once, I made up a story and told enough people that I’d almost convinced myself.


But there really were giant marshmallows in the field.

The first time I saw them, I remember blinking, checking my eyes, saying incredulously: “What’s that?!
“Oh, just a field of giant marshmallows,” my dad replied.
“Where did you think marshmallows came from?”
“They grow in fields?!” And they did. Giant white cylinders against the horizon. I craned my neck to watch them as we drove past.


Of course, at some point I learned that they weren’t really marshmallows, though I’m sure I believed in soundly for at least a few weeks. They were just white plastic wrapped bails of hay.

I’m starting my first grown up job on Monday. Today, I bought a suit.

But when I was driving through the stretch of fields this morning, I swear for a second they were still full of marshmallows. But don’t worry, I kept my eyes on the road to avoid hitting unicorns.

When it pours

Ten months after finishing my MA, I finally have a job worthy of my two degrees.

After almost six months of unemployment, four months at a nowhere job, nearly a hundred job applications and several interviews, my throw away year is over.

Next Monday I start a job that will be, hopefully, the first step in my career in museums.

The funny thing is that the day before I found out, I got an interview for the government job I’ve been waiting for since September. When it rains, it pours.

It’s like the world decided that I was ready to move on. Ready to move forward. That I served my dues, that I had gained sufficient humility and insight from the experience and finally they would let me move on with my life.

But I have learned many things in the last 10 months.

I have learned what I want and what I don’t want. I have learned how to find worth in your life outside of your job. Because not having a job doesn’t make you worthless, though it certainly makes you feel that way. I have learned so much about myself from working a job just for the pay cheque - a job I never anticipated, with people that I never would have met otherwise, for better or worse.

I’m terrified to start on Monday. This job is so big. I know that I can do it, but I know it will be so hard. But I’m ready for a challenge.

Maybe I wasn’t ready in September, fresh out of a 160 page dissertation.

It’s 5:52 am and I can’t sleep. But it’s from the excitement of it all, I swear.