Life or something like it*

I haven’t updated in a long time. Here’s why, the things I am struggling with:

1) Life. I’m busy. Either procrastinating essays and being moody or out having fun. I’ve had this problem before, getting wrapped up in school and life and not having time. School is particularly hard this time around, not because it’s my Master’s but because I have quite decided that I am tired of being in school (found this out about two weeks into my new program.. oops) and can’t seem to manage much enthusiasm for it.

2) Lack of inspiration. Today I’m craving inspiration. I want to… listen to symphonies or look at great art or read a beautiful book. I’m in a place in my life right now that’s not terribly inspiring. Actually, it is… England is beautiful and there’s so much inspiration available here, but I don’t have the time to be inspired I suppose.

3) Uncertainty. I’m not sure what I want this blog to be anymore. When I first started writing, almost two years ago, it was extremely personal. I posted song lyrics, some of my writing, random thoughts, rants, whatever I felt like. That was back when the only person reading it was Fae. Then I had an incident where someone else read it and got angry with me about what they read (don’t get me started about this…) and since then I haven’t been able to bring this blog back to what it was when it was started. You see, I started it in a therapeutic sense. I was at a really weird point in my life. I went to visit Fae and we talked about it and decided it would be good for me. My blog has been a lot of things since then, and I really enjoyed this past summer when I posted almost everyday and had a lot of regular readers. But it I always find myself holding back from posting anything too personal…

4) Complaints. On a similar note, I keep finding myself wanting to complain about things in my life but I don’t want this blog to turn into that either. It was supposed to be something positive in my life. I’ve been thinking about posts about how I feel about being here in England… but it’s hard because everyone has a different idea of me and my being here that I don’t want to get into. Also, I don’t want to sound ungrateful or pessimistic, because I am neither of those things.

5) Stargate SG-1. I started watching it towards the end of September, from Season 1. I just finished Season 8. I’m addicted. Doesn’t leave much time for anything else.

But today I was walking down the street, thinking about my blog and my writing in general. And how if I ever want to truly take myself seriously as a writer (more about that later) then I need to force myself to write even when I’m not sure about my life. And even when it’s a bit painful. So, this is, truly, an attempt to put the jumper cables to this thing and get it running again. But I warn you, it’s liable to change completely from what you might have been used to before, pets…  We’ll see what comes out at the other end.

Also, I promised Fae I’d write something while she was gone for the afternoon, even if it wasn’t The Book. (More on that later, too)

Now I just need some inspiration. Any suggestions?

*A great movie with Angelina Jolie that I strongly suggest you watch.

6 Comments

  • By Faebala, November 11, 2009 @ 9:58 pm

    Lovely post, melamin. This actually makes me happier that you wrote this as opposed to The Book, because this is you opening up a bit. Which I really think you need to more often of. And say damn it all to those who may have different expectations of you, because the only expectation I have of you is to do what I ask. Haha. Just kidding. The only expectation I have of you is for you to just be you - and this is the kind of stuff I love to read from you, whether it be privately to me or publicly to anyone who finds this page. <3 You’re my Hezabelle.

  • By Lea, November 11, 2009 @ 11:27 pm

    I’ll read anything you write about. I like your book reviews and photo posts, and I like your more personal posts also, even if you think they’re ranty. I’ve never been a big believer in the idea that you have to be positive all the time or you’re ungrateful. You should write about whatever is close to your heart.

  • By Lisa, November 11, 2009 @ 11:47 pm

    I’d hate to see you get rid of your blog, but I can definitely understand your reasoning….as for England/life/uncertainty/pessimism/feeling uninspired….I can definitely RELATE! So, don’t feel like you can’t write about certain things, because I (and a lot of people) can identify with a lot of it.

    P.S.– I have never seen that movie but I will add it to my movie list! :)

  • By Hezabelle, November 12, 2009 @ 12:50 am

    Don’t worry, I definitely won’t get rid of my blog. It’s just a matter of rethinking it. :)

  • By Sebastian, November 12, 2009 @ 3:46 am

    Wow, the whole kaboodle in 2 months…? I think that’s pretty fast, even by most student standards.

    Actually, I think I watched the entirety of Friends in about two weeks. I guess that’s pretty bad…

    Welcome back, hopefully :)

    I told myself to write too, incidentally, which is how this particular incarnation of my blog was formed. I said I would write every day… and so far… I have!

  • By Faebala, November 12, 2009 @ 4:45 am

    P.S. “No, I’m far to crazy to remember something as far back as yesterday.”

    Hahahah. Isn’t that favorite quote of ours (in all its various forms to apply to the moment) from that movie?

    I remember watching that movie in your spare bedroom at your parents house, while you showered. Love.

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