Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible!

To prove that I haven’t just been reading vampire porn (though I have read and thorougly enjoyed many Charlaine Harris books this summer), I give you my review of one of the best books I’ve read in a long time, Ladies and Gentleman, the Bible! by Jonathan Goldstein.

The premise of this book is a retelling of the Bible in a funny way. The writing is witty and sarcastic and thoroughly entertaining. It’s a little bit like the story behind the Bible - what did Eve really think of Adam? Did Jonah get bored inside the whale? Was David really just a giant killer, or was he actually a comedian?

It was a quick read, but in the best possible way. It flowed really well. It was at times insightful and at others hilarious. Or both. Read it and find out for yourself - it’s the funniest book I’ve read since Gods Behaving Badly (which was also awesome and very similar, so check that out too!)

Favourite quotes, as per usual:

“Then came Eve. Since the Garden of Eden was the very first village, and since ever village needs a mayor as well as a village idiot, it broke down this way: Eve: mayor; Adam: village idiot. Sometimes when Adam would start to speak, Eve would get all hopeful that he was about to impart something important and smart, but he would only say stuff like: ‘Little things are really great because you can put them in your hand as well as in your mouth.’ Eve would often ponder how one minute she was not there or anywhere, and now she was. Adam would ponder nothing.”

“‘Hi,’ said the snake. ‘In the mood for some fruit of knowledge? It’s fruity.’”

“David wondered what it was going to be like to be the greatest hero who ever lived. He wondered if it would give him sad eyes. He had once seen a hero who had them. With sad eyes, women would see him and think, ‘What sad eyes,’ and they would know that even though he kept up a brave and comical front, killing giants was not all fun, that it left a person with a certain un-asked for gravitas, that it forced you to know things that no one else could ever know and these things left you sadder. But also sexier.”

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