Dear Facebook,

Every time I open you up, a little blue box tells me that I should get a username. I don’t need a username. Usernames are for MySpace, and aren’t you the anti-MySpace? I remember when the point of Facebook was to be a “virtual yearbook.” You had to have a real e-mail address and a real name and you were meant to connect to real people, and far less creepy stalkers. So no, I will not be available at http://facebook.com/heather.c.montgomery or any other Facebook.com slash addresses. (By the way, it’s weird that you searched my profile for my email address to suggest that, since my middle initial isn’t listed anywhere else in my information.)

Next, I find it really creepy how you use our personal information to market things to us. I get it, you’re a multi-billion dollar corporation, and awesome - it’s free for us, but personal information is personal, right? Also, did you know that when I post photos on you (even though it’s super convenient and everyone can see them) I essentially lose my rights to them? Copyright fail.

Right now, I can’t figure out why the hell you insist on bringing me back to my home page every time I click on a post in one of my groups. Wtf, Facebook?

Lastly and definitely most importantly, I do not want to be friends with So-and-So McGee who I went to high school/middle school/soccer camp with. Just because they’re friends of friends doesn’t mean they’re interesting. Also, even if I do remember them from high school doesn’t mean I ever want to talk to them again. I also do not want to become a fan of Some Band, Chicken, Not Dying or Stepping On Spiders. I don’t want an app that tells me some random date in the future that I will a) die b) marry c) reproduce or d) finally get a Facebook username.

Thinking of leaving you forever,

Hez

8 Comments

  • By Court, July 15, 2009 @ 9:03 am

    THANK YOU!!

    I would consider doing the same, but it’s too convenient to keep up with the people I do care about (and thus already have as friends). Stupid Facebook, knowing and taking advantage of how we can’t quit you.

  • By Laura, July 15, 2009 @ 9:07 am

    agreed.

  • By Jes, July 15, 2009 @ 9:53 am

    well said.

  • By Lea, July 15, 2009 @ 3:38 pm

    Noooo! Never leave me!

    Ahem.

  • By Faebala, July 15, 2009 @ 4:46 pm

    Don’t leave Facebook!!! I know it’s super annoying, but then how will I dominate your wall??

  • By steph, July 15, 2009 @ 7:18 pm

    ah dont we all think of leaving facebook every once in awhile! do like me and get rid of it for a few months… it was quite refreshing :D

  • By Lisa, July 16, 2009 @ 4:15 pm

    hahah, great post! I remember when facebook was only for college/university students. It has changed so much over the years! Lately I have had strange ppl with the oddest names add me randomly…annoying!

  • By Eleni, July 17, 2009 @ 6:36 pm

    Yes! Facebook keeps getting bigger and bigger with more and more unnecessary features. I miss the old days…

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