Sell a sunrise

I know I may have disappointed any regular readers (I like to imagine these exist…) by not posting yesterday. But I was too busy spending my last day in Pittsburgh with my Faebala. I promise I will make up for it with my attempt at video content next week. Not this week, because I am secluding myself in order to not fail my exam (again) on Monday. That and I’m starting work tomorrow and will be up to my elbows in scones and egg salad (neither of which go well on my laptop) until the big Mother’s Day Tea on Sunday.

Today could be a different day
If the sky lifts up the haze
Off of my front lawn
Just another time I hold my tears
For another year
On my way back home
Can I sell this sunrise
In return for a sunset?
Can I just be here one more day
Until my sunburn fades away?
-Left Coast Envy by The Starting Line

It started raining as I lifted my suitcase into the trunk. In the six years we’ve been seeing each other, it always rains the day we leave. A pathetic fallacy that both amuses and saddens us. Over the years I’ve watched her drive away, fly away, disappear behind doors and barricades, into buses and trains.

This morning we hugged goodbye. We giggled and joked, and when I put my arms around her I couldn’t help but wonder when the next time I see her will be. We’ve dreamed so long of being closer together but we only seem to be getting further away. I’ve always taken comfort in the fact that if something happened… if she needed me or I needed her, I could get in the car and just drive. I could be there in less than a day. In September we’ll be separated by oceans and time zones and even more hundreds of miles.

It’s not that we don’t know how to do distance. That has always been a part of our friendship. We text message, email and instant message like the best of them (but we both hate phones).

It’s that every time I see her I stay just long enough to realize what it would be like to live near my best friend. It’s the small things. It’s making lunch together and watching bad Lifetime movies. It’s going for coffee and trying on clothes. It’s watching our favourite movies together. It’s meeting each others friends. It’s getting to know each others’ boyfriends. It’s all of those little things that break my heart because we only get to do them for a few weeks every year.

It’s all of those little things that make me realize that when I drive away I’m leaving a piece of myself behind me. My other half.

Amin mela lle, vanima Fae.

3 Comments

  • By Faebala, May 3, 2009 @ 10:23 pm

    My heart burts for you. Burt, burt. <3

  • By Lias, May 4, 2009 @ 5:11 am

    Maybe I am just over emotional, but this post made me cry! So sweet! Although your time together is rare, at least you two share that special bond where so much time can pass without seeing each other, and yet your friendship still remains strong and vibrant. You two seem like such amazing best friends! :)

  • By Lisa, May 4, 2009 @ 5:13 am

    Oops, spelled my name wrong in my comment!

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