what are you hoping for?

From a conversation with Kaitlyn today, paraphrased.

“I think you have to let yourself be happy. I spent a lot of high school determinedly unhappy, because that’s ‘who I was’ at the time. But it’s just as fake as pretending to be happy. I always thought I was a pessimist. But now I think that might never have been true, I just didn’t let myself think otherwise.”

I’ve been thinking about that recently. What makes someone an optimist or a pessimist? Are you born that way, taught that way? Think that way to fit in? Is it really as simple as half empty or half full? Is it about outlook or choices or situation?

so far away

all people are always reaching and falling, reaching and falling.

Where did all this distance come from? Distance I can’t map. Distance further than my fingertips can stretch. Distance from A to B, but also from decision to decision, from thought to thought and all the space between. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to be reaching.

there is a season…

Happy May 4th.

One year ago today, I left for Ireland. Today, my work visa expired.

I’m not really sure what I think about it. It’s been an interesting year. I wish I was still in Ireland, but I keep reminding myself that by the time I left last August, I was done with it. That was my past, and it was awesome. This is my future - and it has potential too.

Each part of my life is different, feeding a different part of me. Last summer fed my spirit, my adventure. This summer, I think, is going to feed my mind, my academic side. Next summer will be about endings and beginnings. So I can accept that, and maybe even embrace it.

But it’s still a little sad. It’s very easy to miss escaping real life.