beneath the blue suburban skies I sit…

I’m sitting here staring at the cursor blinking against blank white. I have no idea what to write. It’s just that sometimes I need to. I sit here and stare and need and the Beatles play.

I don’t have words for loneliness. I have words for skies and rain and anger. But I have never been able to find words for this emptiness.

Here I stand, head in hand, turn my face to the wall…

I know things. I know histories and stories and smiles and tears. I know scars and laughter. I know infinite. But I do not know a word for this. Maybe some other language has a word. A language better suited to melancholy than English. English pretends that all is well. We have no word for this. I think there is a word in French, but now even that escapes me.

escape?

You’ve got that something, I think you’ll understand.

There is a whole lot of saying nothing. If I had a word I could pin it down and maybe I could breathe.

I need you so much closer…

Distance has been a defining feature in the last decade of my life. Imagine what it’s like to have a twin - the inseparable, speak your own language, always together kind of twin. And then imagine what it’s like to only see that person for a couple of weeks a year.

I miss my girl.

Wish you were here, willow. Amin mela lle, vanima Faerie.

you wonder if you missed your dream…

Can you measure the distance between past and future with the present? There is always so much distance, when I want to be close. There are miles between people standing side by side and people miles away are cheek to cheek.

“I don’t miss the past. I miss the future with you.” - Fae.

My life cannot be mapped, as I am always living in worlds that don’t exist. The past. The future. Imagination.

I am lost in the Minotaur’s labyrinth. Or maybe I am hiding.

i heard you say the past was much more fun…

I am such a history geek and I love love it. I spent the day looking at artifacts and talking about people who lived over 100 years ago.

I think it would be really awesome to get into archeology or museology or something like that….

I can’t wait to take my archeology class next year! Also, Latin starts next week!

Pinhey’s Point

For anyone who’s curious, this is where I’m working this summer…

Not too shabby, I’d say.

These are pictures I took (black and white film, which I scanned) when Courtney was working there two summers ago. I’m going to take more this summer, I promise. The best part is being on the water. It’s like working at my cottage. I love it. And did I mention that I get to where a costume?