a text.

Me: “In the mirror sometimes I look beautiful, other times I look like me.”
Fae: “When you see the beauty, that’s when you see the truth. And when you can’t, use my eyes instead.”

<3

why can’t I begin again?

One exam down, two to go. I think I kicked Greek and Roman Lit ass, personally. Hopefully I did, since it was worth 50% of my mark.

I also randomly got a phone call today from the Toronto Star. I had applied to be one of their photographers back in November. Which I didn’t get. But now they want me to interview for a job as one of the Photo Editors. Basically, he explained, exactly like my job at the Charlatan but on a larger scale.

The problem? I already have a summer job that I’m really excited about. In Ottawa. That pays $14/hour. That means financial security for next year. Toronto Star would pay $9.50/hour ish. And I would have to move to Toronto for the summer, which would mean spending nearly everything I made. Which would definitely change my plans. But… but… it’s the TORONTO STAR! I mean… it would basically guarantee me any photo job I wanted when I graduated.

So it’s this huge dilemna. Of course, I have to interview for the job first. So I guess I’ll go to Toronto sometime this month for the interview. And then see what happens? It would be such a hard choice to make.

Sometimes life really surprises you, eh?

I thought when Fae and I took this challenge, to think positively about our lives and see the effects.. I thought for sure it wouldn’t make a difference. And definitely wouldn’t work. But now I’m not so sure. I mean, it’s hard every day. But… somehow I feel like a puzzle who’s pieces are starting to fit together again. I’m hopeful for everything coming up.

I hope I’m not cursing myself and speaking too soon. But I feel this is good. For both of us.

And it was raining cats and dogs outside of her window
And she knew they’d be destined to become sacred road kill on the way
And she was listening to the sound of heaven shaking
Thinking about puddles.. puddles and mistakes…

take these broken wings and learn to fly…

here comes the sun, little darling. here comes the sun. and I say, ‘It’s all right. It’s all right.”

daydreams

The inside jacket of one of my books:

“Heather C. Montgomery is a Canadian currently living in London. She has a Bachelor of Journalism in Journalism and Greek and Roman Studies from Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario. For her “real” job, she directs documentaries for the BBC. She lives in a two bedroom flat with her best friend, renowned American artist Sarah Parker and travels the world on weekends. Previous works include Governor General literary award winning Metamorphoses and international best seller The Grocery Line: Collected Poems and Adventures of a Canadian in London. She is currently working on an untitled historical fiction novel about Cleopatra Selene.”

I really should be studying….

for the thrill of it, for everything that mattered…

Well, predictably I did not wake up and go running this morning. But I DID get a job. Which is nice. Starting Apr. 30 I’m the Lead Heritage Leader at Pinhey’s Point historic site. Yay for money and cushy city jobs!

I also got some more freelance assignments for Carleton Now. A few more photographs and a story. I know, I said I would never write articles in my spare time because I hate it.. but they’re paying me $0.30 a word. And it’s pretty easy fluff articles anyway! I don’t need to FIND sources, they’re handed to me on a silver platter.

So it looks like, if I remain patient, money matters may finally resolve themselves.

I am NOT doing so well, however, on studying for my Greek and Roman Literary Genre exam on Friday. Must read some plays tonight. And remind myself that I have a text book and two pretty boring primary sources to read for my Greek History exam next week.

I went to see my sister’s latest show today. Her Master’s directing workshop class was performing scenes they had all directed/acted in. The text they had was two scenes from Ariadne, and they were each to present it differently, but all using a lot of movement. I found it really interesting. There was probably a lot that I didn’t understand in terms of the movement and the acting, but it had me thinking about the themes in the Ariadne myth. Most important, memory and the labyrinth. Is the labyrinth a construct of memory? Is Ariadne the labyrinth? Is Ariadne a God-like figure, using her “thread” to orchestrate Theseus and the Minotaur like puppets? Is Theseus the typical hero, or is Ariadne? Theseus would have never defeated the Minotaur if not for Ariadne. Is the labyrinth a real place or a symbol for consciousness? Is the labyrinth really the maze of each person’s mind, created and sustained by memory and vision? And if it is, is the Minotaur then conscience and Theseus the triumph of will?

It’s interesting, anyway. I took a lot from it, and enjoyed talking to Laura and her friend Sarah about it afterwards. It gave me ideas about how I would write the myth myself. About the non-literal interpretations of myth in general. If my goal is to write my book in a sort of post-modern, disjointed way… then I need to think of these myths in a much less literal way. In terms of sound and space and movement, maybe, like they did today.

I also love the symbol of the labyrinth. I remember doing Labyrinth walking last year, and I think I would really like to try it again. It’s a great way to meditate and see your life in terms of a path. I’m also thinking again that I might get a labyrinth tattoo. There’s so much meaning behind it, not only in terms of the myth and history, but in terms of life’s journey.

Good day, today, I think. The weather is definitely helping my mood. I want to be outside forever.