Last night I fell asleep pretending I was someone else. Not so different - I almost always do.

This morning I realized that, more worrisome, I spend all day pretending I’m someone else. And it’s only subconciously, in the middle of the night, that I face the real me. And that’s when I realize how much I really hate myself.

I wake up with long cuts all over my arms, my stomach, my legs. Even though I have no finger nails anymore. Even though I don’t remember scratching or even being itchy.

Guess my subconscious isn’t as strong as my mind during the day. Because I spend all day avoiding doing the exact same thing. And at night, I can’t control it at all.

I hate this skin. I don’t belong in it. All that’s left is to pretend.

…take a look at my body, look at my hands… there’s so much here that I don’t understand..

1 Comment

  • By konfusedfae, March 2, 2008 @ 12:10 pm

    I spend the day pretending too. Like none of this is real, it’s just the inbetween to my “real” life… when things are good.

    Then I sit up at night and realize this is it.

    It makes the simple act of opening your eyes to wake up in the morning so much harder.

    I wake up with cuts too. *hugs* <3

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